Three Techniques for Greater Gratitude: Turning Negatives Into Positives

The holidays can be a difficult time for our teens, surrounded by images of picture-perfect families living picture-perfect lives. Some flood their social-media feeds while others reach them through advertisements.

They often feel tempted to compare their lives to these portraits of bliss. To measure their self-worth against these seemingly unattainable ‘yardsticks’ and question what they have to be grateful for when things feel so hard. 

But there are tactics your teen can use to redirect those negative thoughts, opening up more space for both gratitude and grace. Several of the strategies referenced in this blog are rooted in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which focuses on how to combat negative thought patterns.  

Three Techniques for Greater Gratitude

Just as bad habits are formed over time, so too can better ones. Here are a few strategies your teen could try that would enable them to form new habits that bring more joy to their life:

1. Keep a daily “credits” list.

Encourage them to take stock of their accomplishments throughout the day. These don’t have to be grand gestures or big projects. Turning in a homework assignment on time. (Credit.) Doing a physical activity, like taking a walk or working out at the gym. (Credit.) Deciding NOT to scroll through their phones for an hour. (Two credits.)

Remind your child that any step they take to face the day, especially when they’re feeling sad or overwhelmed, is worthy of recognition. It’s important they take a mental inventory of the credits they’ve ‘accrued’ at day’s end. Reflecting on their accomplishments as part of evening ritual reinforces positive thought patterns and might even help improve sleep. 

2. Try a thought record.

A thought record is an exercise that enables your teen to examine what they are feeling and connect those feelings to the negative thought patterns behind them. The exercise includes brainstorming ways to counter those ruminations, empowering your teen to imagine solutions that can lead to healthier thoughts.

Acknowledge that writing down such personal things can feel vulnerable, particularly if they’re concerned about others reading them. Suggest that they perhaps create a password-protected folder on their computer or store a journal in a secure spot.  Reassure them that you will respect their privacy and be sure to honor that promise.

3. Commit a random act of kindness.

Doing something nice for someone else not only feels good, but it assigns the brain a positive task to focus on. 

Challenge your teen to try one random act of kindness a day. Hold the door for a senior citizen. Invite the new student at school to join your lunch table. Handwrite a letter to a teacher. As with the credits list, no act is too small.

For more examples, the Random Acts of Kindness Foundation® is a great resource. It even discusses the science behind kindness, how it affects our bodies. And let them know that your act of kindness could be infectious and inspire others to pay it forward, too.

FORT-ifying the Future

Finally, the Ryan Bartel Foundation is here for you and your teen. The FORT is a safe, healing, community space for young people in middle and high school to find connection, make friends, be themselves without pressure, and participate in fun, experiential workshops and activities that help them deal with the stresses of everyday life.